My lighthouse epiphany

I have this pencil sketch of a lighthouse that I drew. I did a good job on it and I framed it and it hangs on my living room wall.

It was late on a Saturday night and I was sitting alone on my living room couch and doing some deep thinking. And it occurred to me that what I am looking for is my "own" lighthouse; A place in the storm of life that can “call me home”, or warn me of danger... a light in the dark to guide me. But, I keep looking to others to find this light house. I look to friends, boyfriends, family... I read self-help books to try and find the answers to life's questions. Sometimes, I feel at peace, thinking that maybe I have found an understanding... a knowing… that will help me through life. I get a renewed vigor when these small "epiphanies" happen.  I call these my "Spaces In Between". They are the "spaces" of clarity in my life mixed “in between” all the rest of life.

And then I wake up and the Real World is knocking at my door and I once again get lost in the storm.  As I was sitting here, feeling sorry for myself for sitting alone and thinking of all my troubles… it occurred to me that maybe I have been looking for the wrong kind of lighthouse. I have been looking “outside” myself for others to be my lighthouse when maybe I need to be looking inward. Maybe the lighthouse that I needed was here along and I need to look inside myself to find it; To rely on my “Self” for guidance, for the light in the dark to guide me.

Life, it seems, is made up of Spaces In Between. And when I am alone, when I am reaching for some clarity inside myself, I am reaching towards that Lighthouse. Today’s epiphany may not solve all of life’s problems. Life is a journey and there will be many, many storms and plenty more calm waters. But from this point forward, I will look to my Lighthouse to find guidance and stop waiting or wishing for others to find it for me.