Whatever happened to the quickening of my heart?
The fluttering of nervous butterfly’s?
Whenever we’re apart?
What ever happened to holding hands?
Walking in the moonlight?
Sighing on the sand?
Whatever happened to the way you spoke my name?
How it melted my heart?
Will I ever feel the same?
Whatever happened, it’s all been swept away
Time to move on
The beginning of another day.
--- Anna~
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Airplane....
I was looking through some things that I have written in the past.. journal entries, notes, letters, etc. And I found a journal entry about my very first (and only) ride in an airplane. So, I am re-writing it here below:
I am high above the clouds. They look like wind blown snow. I am level with the sunsets colors, like a pastel rainbow reflecting off a lake.
At first, I could see the cars and buildings get smaller and smaller. Then I could see the golf course and a lake. A row of yellow and white top school buses, parked in a lot reminded me of matchsticks lain in a row.
The plane makes a lot of turns, with the left wing dipping way down and then the right one. When that happens I get a very Swirly felling in my head but it passes quickly.
People get up and walk around like on a bus, I can't imagine how that must feel! Sometimes if feels like a bumpy road. Not bad, just bumpy.
We waited a long time in a long line. The lady behind me said maybe we are going to drive all the way there. I thought that was very funny. The plane was real loud at first. I had the earplugs in. But, though we rose up fast, the pressure wasn't too bad.
I'm hoping the landing is very similar. A gentleman behind me spoke about how choppy the wind is when you land in Las Vegas because of all the desert winds. I hope that isn't the case. I think I will watch the clouds for awhile.
*********************************************************************************
Over Lake Michigan now, the clouds are alot fuzzier here. Smeared white paint on a dark background. The ride is getting bumpy... makes it hard to write.
*********************************************************************************
Farmlands, like a patchwork quilt, stretch out for miles and miles. Ribbons of roads stretch like rulers through the fields. Cracks in the patches show where creeks and rivers gouge their path.
I wonder if I will see another plane now that we are up here so far above the clouds. Like another layer to existence, everything looks different up here.
*********************************************************************************
We are passing a storm it seems. It has gotten bouncy again and I can see lightening. I've also just seen another plane. Not the shape of it, but the flashing lights that you see when you are standing on "terra-firma". I am going to watch the light show for awhile.
*********************************************************************************
It must be really cold up here. There is frost forming on the outside window, like crystal art etched in glass. I can see tiny clusters of lights far below. It is kinda like star gazing... in reverse.
The larger clusters of lights remind me of the dying embers of a campfire with no flames, just glowing embers.
**********************************************************************************
An Awesome Flight
Nervous tension
Hands are damp
Ears are plugged
teeth are clamped.
Lights go dim
The engine roars
Down the lane
the airplane soars
Wings outstretched
like a shiny bird
The idea to some
is quite absurd.
The cars grow small
the pressure builds
Hearts beat faster
Conversation stills.
Above the clouds now
Sky is blue
Settling in
not much to do.
Below the clouds
light clusters glow
Sleeping cities
Far below.
With gentle bumps
the airplane rides
through the dark
and windy skys
Through the dusk
and into night
It really was
An Awesome Flight.
-- Anna 2005
I am high above the clouds. They look like wind blown snow. I am level with the sunsets colors, like a pastel rainbow reflecting off a lake.
At first, I could see the cars and buildings get smaller and smaller. Then I could see the golf course and a lake. A row of yellow and white top school buses, parked in a lot reminded me of matchsticks lain in a row.
The plane makes a lot of turns, with the left wing dipping way down and then the right one. When that happens I get a very Swirly felling in my head but it passes quickly.
People get up and walk around like on a bus, I can't imagine how that must feel! Sometimes if feels like a bumpy road. Not bad, just bumpy.
We waited a long time in a long line. The lady behind me said maybe we are going to drive all the way there. I thought that was very funny. The plane was real loud at first. I had the earplugs in. But, though we rose up fast, the pressure wasn't too bad.
I'm hoping the landing is very similar. A gentleman behind me spoke about how choppy the wind is when you land in Las Vegas because of all the desert winds. I hope that isn't the case. I think I will watch the clouds for awhile.
*********************************************************************************
Over Lake Michigan now, the clouds are alot fuzzier here. Smeared white paint on a dark background. The ride is getting bumpy... makes it hard to write.
*********************************************************************************
Farmlands, like a patchwork quilt, stretch out for miles and miles. Ribbons of roads stretch like rulers through the fields. Cracks in the patches show where creeks and rivers gouge their path.
I wonder if I will see another plane now that we are up here so far above the clouds. Like another layer to existence, everything looks different up here.
*********************************************************************************
We are passing a storm it seems. It has gotten bouncy again and I can see lightening. I've also just seen another plane. Not the shape of it, but the flashing lights that you see when you are standing on "terra-firma". I am going to watch the light show for awhile.
*********************************************************************************
It must be really cold up here. There is frost forming on the outside window, like crystal art etched in glass. I can see tiny clusters of lights far below. It is kinda like star gazing... in reverse.
The larger clusters of lights remind me of the dying embers of a campfire with no flames, just glowing embers.
**********************************************************************************
An Awesome Flight
Nervous tension
Hands are damp
Ears are plugged
teeth are clamped.
Lights go dim
The engine roars
Down the lane
the airplane soars
Wings outstretched
like a shiny bird
The idea to some
is quite absurd.
The cars grow small
the pressure builds
Hearts beat faster
Conversation stills.
Above the clouds now
Sky is blue
Settling in
not much to do.
Below the clouds
light clusters glow
Sleeping cities
Far below.
With gentle bumps
the airplane rides
through the dark
and windy skys
Through the dusk
and into night
It really was
An Awesome Flight.
-- Anna 2005
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Personal Transformation
"As human beings, we tend to collect in our lives, like little squirrels getting ready for a long and hard winter. If you observe your habits, chances are that there is a lot more going into your home and life than you release and let go of.
The default way for humans to be, appears to be one of primitive and tribal survival mode. We have been trained through generations to hoard, save and live with a mentality of lack or in a poverty consciousness.
Hardwired to Resist Change
We seem to be hardwired to resist change or transformation, yet it is the very thing we need to go through to grow as individuals and to fulfill our life purpose.
This “default programming” is so strong that you will often see individuals hanging on to painful and negative things in their lives, like dead-end jobs and abusive relationships. The fear to let go of the familiar is powerful but needs to be overcome to make room for the next version of you.
The meaning of the word transformation is explained as “The process or result of changing from one appearance, state, or phase to another.” For this transformation to occur you need to make space for a new version of yourself to manifest, and that can only be done by having the courage to release what no longer reflects who you truly are.
It Is Scary and Takes Courage
What happens when you muster the courage needed to let go of something old is that you create a space, or vacuum in your life. This vacuum must be filled according to the “universal vacuum law of prosperity”. You can rest assured that the space you have created will be filled by something good, since the inherent nature of the universe is good.
5 Steps to Personal Growth & Transformation through Letting Go
1. Choose an area of your life that is clearly not working and let go of what is filling that space right now. This can be applied to anything you are ready to tackle from a messy closet to a calendar that is overbooked, to bigger things like a career not working for you or relationships that are past their due date.
2. When it is time to cut the cord and release the old, you may be overwhelmed by resistance and/or fear. If this happens to you, make note of these feelings and understand that it is your “primitive programming” that is kicking in. Its goal is simply to keep you alive and the survival of the species, not for you to prosper and express your life purpose...
3. Enjoy the newly created space and have a non-wavering faith that something new and better will come to you.
4. Be open-minded to receive what is coming your way, it may not arrive the way you expect it to…
5. Be grateful for what you have attracted and let it inspire you to continuously have the courage to live in a way that is transformative towards whom you truly are and your unique life purpose.
In the process of learning what you need to let go of and what can stay in your life, a life purpose reading brings insight."
By Annika Ek DHHP, RHN, CH ~ Hand Analyst & Life Purpose Coach
The default way for humans to be, appears to be one of primitive and tribal survival mode. We have been trained through generations to hoard, save and live with a mentality of lack or in a poverty consciousness.
Hardwired to Resist Change
We seem to be hardwired to resist change or transformation, yet it is the very thing we need to go through to grow as individuals and to fulfill our life purpose.
This “default programming” is so strong that you will often see individuals hanging on to painful and negative things in their lives, like dead-end jobs and abusive relationships. The fear to let go of the familiar is powerful but needs to be overcome to make room for the next version of you.
The meaning of the word transformation is explained as “The process or result of changing from one appearance, state, or phase to another.” For this transformation to occur you need to make space for a new version of yourself to manifest, and that can only be done by having the courage to release what no longer reflects who you truly are.
It Is Scary and Takes Courage
What happens when you muster the courage needed to let go of something old is that you create a space, or vacuum in your life. This vacuum must be filled according to the “universal vacuum law of prosperity”. You can rest assured that the space you have created will be filled by something good, since the inherent nature of the universe is good.
5 Steps to Personal Growth & Transformation through Letting Go
1. Choose an area of your life that is clearly not working and let go of what is filling that space right now. This can be applied to anything you are ready to tackle from a messy closet to a calendar that is overbooked, to bigger things like a career not working for you or relationships that are past their due date.
2. When it is time to cut the cord and release the old, you may be overwhelmed by resistance and/or fear. If this happens to you, make note of these feelings and understand that it is your “primitive programming” that is kicking in. Its goal is simply to keep you alive and the survival of the species, not for you to prosper and express your life purpose...
3. Enjoy the newly created space and have a non-wavering faith that something new and better will come to you.
4. Be open-minded to receive what is coming your way, it may not arrive the way you expect it to…
5. Be grateful for what you have attracted and let it inspire you to continuously have the courage to live in a way that is transformative towards whom you truly are and your unique life purpose.
In the process of learning what you need to let go of and what can stay in your life, a life purpose reading brings insight."
By Annika Ek DHHP, RHN, CH ~ Hand Analyst & Life Purpose Coach
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
starts with Goodbye
I was sitting on my doorstep,
I hung up the phone and it fell out of my hand,
But I knew I had to do it,
And he wouldn't understand,
So hard to see myself without him,
I felt a piece of my heart break,
But when you're standing at a crossroad,
There's a choice you gotta make.
[Chorus:]
I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye.
I know there's a blue horizon,
Somewhere up ahead, just waiting for me,
Getting there means leaving things behind,
Sometimes life's so bitter sweet.
[Chorus:]
I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye.
Time heals,
The wounds that you feel,
Somehow, right now.
[Chorus:]
I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
Starts with goodbye,
The only way you try to find,
It's sad but, sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye,
I hung up the phone and it fell out of my hand,
But I knew I had to do it,
And he wouldn't understand,
So hard to see myself without him,
I felt a piece of my heart break,
But when you're standing at a crossroad,
There's a choice you gotta make.
[Chorus:]
I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye.
I know there's a blue horizon,
Somewhere up ahead, just waiting for me,
Getting there means leaving things behind,
Sometimes life's so bitter sweet.
[Chorus:]
I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye.
Time heals,
The wounds that you feel,
Somehow, right now.
[Chorus:]
I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
Starts with goodbye,
The only way you try to find,
It's sad but, sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye,
Friday, December 4, 2009
~ Don't Quit ~
When the road your trudging seems all uphill
When the funds are low and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but instead you sigh
When worry is pressing you down a bit
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is weird with its twists and its turns
As everyone of us sometimes learns
And many a failure turns about
When you might have won, had you stuck it out
But, don't give up, though the pace seems slow
You may succeed with another go.
Success is failure turned inside out
The silver lining of a cloud of doubt
And you never can tell how close you are
It may be near when it seems so far
So stick to the fight when your hardest hit
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.
~ Author Unknown ~
Thursday, August 20, 2009
times gone past
Dreaming of times gone past, when time moved slow, and memories did last.
To sit and watch the sun set down, not driving home with a frown,
With windows open.. smells of pine, no air conditioner unit whine,
No sounds of DS games I hear, just whistling birds delight my ears.
The sights and sounds of small farm life, to hear it now, might ease my strife.
But how to fund this dream of mine? Come on Lord, send me a sign!
-------- Anna Schaar (dated 8/20/2009)
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Gym membership...
I have a lifetime gym membership to a local gym... I decided to start going there on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday morning and my first visit was yesterday, a Wednesday. I can say... I was disappointed.
I had hoped to sign up for some individualized training sessions, seeing as I've been a member since 1989, but the service is not free. In fact, it is quite costly, at 49 dollars per session!! So, I decided to warm up on the treadmilll, then maybe do some light weight lifting and call it a day. Even though there were about 25 treadmills, none were vacant so I sat down on a bike to warm up while I waited for a vacancy. The seat was ripped and jagged, and set too low. I reached down to adjust it and found the knob was missing. So, I rode it the way it was. The lady beside me was chatty, though I tried not to respond without seeming rude. I joined a gym to exercise, not socialize, after all.
Finally, after about 10 minutes, a treadmill opens up, so I jump on. I walk for about 20 minutes... while I am walking I realize how very crowded it is on every machine. And it smells of old carpet and sweat. There are women standing around waiting for a turn on many of the weight machines. The isleways are crowded and even though music is playing, it is barely audible over the noise of machines, voices and the large tanning booths located right behind the treadmills. With not enough staff to service all the women here, it would be awhile before I would get any individual attention.
I decide that all this bother isn't really worth it and it will make it an undesirable trip to make three times a week, early in the morning. So I return to the dressing room, change, pack up, and leave. We have workout machines at home, with free weights and a treadmill. I also have some resistance bands that I purchased to get me started on weight training, so I won't hurt my joint ligaments.
So, I will just design my own workout, keep track of how many reps, etc, and how long I work out, and just do this at home. I can turn on my choice of music, there are no chatty neighbors to interupt my workout, and no stale carpet or sweat odors to put up with.
I begin my journey to physical fitness tomorrow! Wish me luck!
I had hoped to sign up for some individualized training sessions, seeing as I've been a member since 1989, but the service is not free. In fact, it is quite costly, at 49 dollars per session!! So, I decided to warm up on the treadmilll, then maybe do some light weight lifting and call it a day. Even though there were about 25 treadmills, none were vacant so I sat down on a bike to warm up while I waited for a vacancy. The seat was ripped and jagged, and set too low. I reached down to adjust it and found the knob was missing. So, I rode it the way it was. The lady beside me was chatty, though I tried not to respond without seeming rude. I joined a gym to exercise, not socialize, after all.
Finally, after about 10 minutes, a treadmill opens up, so I jump on. I walk for about 20 minutes... while I am walking I realize how very crowded it is on every machine. And it smells of old carpet and sweat. There are women standing around waiting for a turn on many of the weight machines. The isleways are crowded and even though music is playing, it is barely audible over the noise of machines, voices and the large tanning booths located right behind the treadmills. With not enough staff to service all the women here, it would be awhile before I would get any individual attention.
I decide that all this bother isn't really worth it and it will make it an undesirable trip to make three times a week, early in the morning. So I return to the dressing room, change, pack up, and leave. We have workout machines at home, with free weights and a treadmill. I also have some resistance bands that I purchased to get me started on weight training, so I won't hurt my joint ligaments.
So, I will just design my own workout, keep track of how many reps, etc, and how long I work out, and just do this at home. I can turn on my choice of music, there are no chatty neighbors to interupt my workout, and no stale carpet or sweat odors to put up with.
I begin my journey to physical fitness tomorrow! Wish me luck!
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Back to college for Spring term...
Well, I begin classes today for the 2nd semester back at college! I'm looking forward to it. I've been so bored over the holiday break!
I will also be starting something else new this week.... I will begin some workouts with a personal trainer at the gym where I have a lifetime membership. I will be going Monday, Wednesday and Friday, hopefully. Some of my classes have lab hours that I have not scheduled yet, but I hope to find time for the gym at least on those three days.
I will post up-to-date information about my physical transformation on this blog. Since I began an 'inner' transformation about a year ago, maybe I will post some thoughts on that as well. We'll see...
I will also be starting something else new this week.... I will begin some workouts with a personal trainer at the gym where I have a lifetime membership. I will be going Monday, Wednesday and Friday, hopefully. Some of my classes have lab hours that I have not scheduled yet, but I hope to find time for the gym at least on those three days.
I will post up-to-date information about my physical transformation on this blog. Since I began an 'inner' transformation about a year ago, maybe I will post some thoughts on that as well. We'll see...
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